Metrazur. 404 Grand Central Terminal, East Balcony.
Check out that sink. Its pretty bad ass. I came here for a girls’ outting/ happy hour type thing. The drinks were sweet but strong, which is good. You’ll need the sugar for energy to dodge the senior citizens trying to pick you up. Sorry. That was mean. But true. Only old people could keep a bathroom that pristine.
The Dove Parlour. 228 Thompson St (btwn Bleecker St & 3rd St).
Basement level, velvet wallpaper, dark red. Its a nice looking lounge. Lots of couches and poufy chairs. Its a good place for some pre or post dinner drinks. We went to celebrate my friend Geraldine’s birthday. The cocktails will inevitably be called girly, but people are stupid. They are good. And if you go for happy hour, they’re half priced. The bathroom is beyond cramped and really dark. Kind of hard to maneuver in. Its got 2 stalls, with saloon style doors. I give it 3 flushes.
Happy Birthday Geraldine!
gpoyw, gratuitous crazy eye
Reunion. 630 9th Ave (btwn 44th and 45th)
This Tiki bar thing is getting really big (again, or staying big, or its a revival, not sure) and there’s alot of history behind that style of cocktail making and consumption. Some have been around like Otto’s Shrunken Head and some are doing the renaissance thing like Painkiller. Reunion isn’t really that at all. Its still in keeping with the area’s lack of identity but its making an awesome effort. The music makes you think you’re in a Quentin Tarantino movie, the food is good, and the drinks are tropical without being totally lame. They infuse their own rum, if you’re into that sort of thing. The kitsch factor is high, starting with the buff dude standing on the sidewalk, pointing you down into the bar and ending with the surfboards. There’s nothing wrong with all the superfluous stuff, but it makes me take it all a little less serious. The bathrooms however are freaking amazing. When you enter, coming down off the bamboo stairs, make a right into a private room. You’ll see barn style doors with a bikini hanging off (for real). Its unisex area with two stalls. I can appreciate the filament light and the cement sink and especially the water spout fixture. I give it 5 flushes.
Butterfield 8. 5 E 38th Street (btwn Madison & 5th Ave)
This is the type of place the after work suits go cruisin’ for a bruisin’ at. Lots of getting drunk over loud music and trying to spout pick-up lines over All American Reject songs. The booths are awesome and the bar looks promising but just like the dude with the gel in his hair, you’ll regret it. The bathroom is towards the back, before hitting the private room. Make a right, pass the ATM, and you’ll have made it to base point. Here you can talk smack about all the douchbaggery occurring by the bar. The bathroom itself is decent: big, clean, and quiet. I give it 3 flushes.
Gratuitous Pic of G Wednesday
gpoyw. Can we just go back to Wine Wednesday. Or Winesday?
Pianos. 158 Ludlow Street (at Stanton)
$3 for a pint. On a Saturday. Thats a pretty good deal. And it’ll have you heading downstairs to check out the bathrooms after a handful of rounds. Theres something not quite right about the bathroom. Im not sure if its the tiny size or the 110 degree heat in them, but something made me feel like I needed to barely wash my hands and just get back upstairs. Maybe thats their strategy. No loitering in the bathrooms, taking pics and acting a fool. Get back up those stairs and do the white man’s overbite to some Prince. Seriously how can anyone not love Pianos? Its got a bar, a DJ, an upstairs, good burgers, good happy hour. What else do you want? God, youre such a snob. 3 flushes with my Reebok Freestyle Hi-tops.
for your safety…
Rattle N Hum
Rattle N Hum (14 East 33rd Street between 5th and Madison)
This is the best beer bar in NYC, hands down. Ok, Pony Bar comes in at a close second. But Rattle N Hum is my personal favorite. Check out the list if you dont believe me (beer list) Bathroom is all the way to the back of the bar, on the left side. Theres like 3 of them. In all honesty I was too tipsy to remember if they’re unisex or not but I do know theyre single stall. This explains my 4 flushes rating.
Hole in ceiling, covered with a poster.
Captain Lawrence Imperial IPA, I think…
Weird hand dryer with UV light.