Radegast Hall & Biergarten. 113 N 3rd St (btwn Wythe and Berry)
Huge beers. You’re gonna need to work on your biceps. Then you’re gonna need to hit the bathroom. Its inside, past the bar, single stalls. Look at that TP display. And admire the stack of paper towels. You can have an Easter egg hunt with those rolls. I spy 2 hidden ones. 5 flushes worth of supplies and very roomy. Anyhow, when you’re nice and sauced after all those liters of beer, do yourself a favor and get a sausage from the grill outside, slather it in mustard, and proceed to go home, you fat, drunk bastard.
Dressler. 149 Broadway (btwn Bedford and Driggs)
If you want to skip the old folks at Peter Luger (across the street) and also avoid the kids at Dumont (same owners at Dressler), then this is the place for you. It’s grown up, but not stuffy, and the food is worth the three dollar signs. I mean, they have a Michelin star. But lets talk toilets. Its down the stairs at the end of the bar. Romantic red walls with bronze fixtures, 2 ladies’ stalls, and music playing, earning it 4 flushes plus the Michelin star.
Baci & Abbracci. 204 Grand St (btwn Bedford and 1st St)
I don’t spend alot of time in fancy restaurants. Specially not fancy Italian places. I don’t know about you, but I feel silly paying for noodles boiled in water and tossed in tomatoes. Maybe I am cheap, or maybe I have the palate of a 5 year old, but I like my wine cheap and my pasta from Trader Joe’s. Recently, maybe because I’m getting old, I’ve found that sometimes its nice to eat at places where you don’t have to order at a counter and that there’s more to Italian food than spaghetti and meat sauce. I love floppy fluorescent orange pizza, but there’s so much more to love. There’s also Battuta di pollo alla piastra and Cotoletta alla Milanese. Plus you can order in stupidly bad Italian and the waiters cant laugh at you. The restaurant is small but there’s a nice garden area out back. Bathrooms are single stall rooms to the left of the bar counter. I’ve never been when its very busy so its always been a nice and quick 4 flushes type of experience. Kudos on the scent diffuser and tile work. Baci & Abbracci is a place you can take your parents to, and that, to me, is a sign of fo real classiness. Oh and they give you free bread.
Union Pool. 484 Union Ave, Brooklyn, NY
I heard Union Pool was shut down recently and I thought to myself, yea finally, that place is filthy and transmits diseases. Then I read it was because they didn’t renew a permit or something and I thought to myself, well at least that one night it was closed, some people must’ve been saved from catching something itchy and gross. I rag on this place because its a hipster meat market, freakshow, petri dish of STD’s, and taco truck rolled into one, but for some, that’s a fun Friday night, and who am I to judge? Its not like I wasn’t there, taking pictures in the bathroom, being a creeper. I will say its hard to walk out of there sober, so it gets points for that. The taco truck out back, after a few Jameson & PBR combos, will make it all ok. The bathroom is past the broke down photobooth at the end of the bar. As you can see by the sign below, its been rumored that people get it on in the bathroom stalls, which are rows of unisex single stalls with a row of sinks. I give it 2 flushes because I don’t like risking getting the herp while I tinkle.
Haab. 202 Leonard St (btwn Maujer St & Grand St), Williamsburg
What kind of a name is Haab for a Mexican restaurant? I know Spanish and that doesn’t mean anything in Spanish. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The food is really good. I have a thing for Mexican food and Haab has been there for me many times. I have to point out that complimenting the food does not mean Im a fan of the service. It varies from really perky, borderline too nice waitress to waitress who doesnt know what pinto beans are. So you know what normal people do, instead of tearing the place a new one on Yelp? Just get take out, you dingdong! That’s what I do. But this time I ventured in and got lucky with not just a great waitress, but also bathroom pics. Its off to the side in a narrow hallway, only one room, but decent enough for 3 flushes. Its a Mexican place. Cut the bathroom some slack.
Diner. 85 Broadway (btwn Berry St and Wythe Ave)
From the outside, Diner doesn’t look like much. Actually, the inside is pretty grimy too. But the food. oh man. Don’t go here if you have bad short term memory. They change the menu so much that they never bother printing it so the waiter/waitress just recites it to you. But luckily most anything you order will be a good call. And don’t sleep on the dessert (see tiny pie pic below). And while I’m giving out advice here, beat the crowd and arrive before 7:30pm.
To find the bathroom, head past the bar and it will be at the end of a tiny passage way/maze. Its ancient and kinda smelly, which is ok if you plan on making some waves in there. Its kinda spacious too so that’s a bonus.
Someone didn’t put the seat down
Tiny berry pie and whip cream
Legion. (Boy’s Room)
Big thanks to Chili, one of Miami’s finest, for sharing this pic. If you like art, robots, drawing, or anything cool like that check out his tumblr here. While you’re at it, check out his own sick bathroom here.
If you wanna check out the girl’s bathroom at Legion, here you go.
