Wow this is a tight bathroom. And its inconveniently located next to the front door. I mean, the whole place is tiny as hell, but if I had had one extra taco, I’d be unable to maneuver the toilet. It doesn’t help that the restaurant is packed and continuously cycling people in and out. Obviously its a popular spot and the food was great. The staff was helpful accommodating our party of 9 in a space the size of a studio apartment. But not only were we rubbing elbows with the Lower East Side’s finest, we were also bumping into them and jumping over them to get around. The bathroom situation was a 2 flush ordeal.

I heard Union Pool was shut down recently and I thought to myself, yea finally, that place is filthy and transmits diseases. Then I read it was because they didn’t renew a permit or something and I thought to myself, well at least that one night it was closed, some people must’ve been saved from catching something itchy and gross. I rag on this place because its a hipster meat market, freakshow, petri dish of STD’s, and taco truck rolled into one, but for some, that’s a fun Friday night, and who am I to judge? Its not like I wasn’t there, taking pictures in the bathroom, being a creeper. I will say its hard to walk out of there sober, so it gets points for that. The taco truck out back, after a few Jameson & PBR combos, will make it all ok. The bathroom is past the broke down photobooth at the end of the bar. As you can see by the sign below, its been rumored that people get it on in the bathroom stalls, which are rows of unisex single stalls with a row of sinks. I give it 2 flushes because I don’t like risking getting the herp while I tinkle. 

What kind of a name is Haab for a Mexican restaurant? I know Spanish and that doesn’t mean anything in Spanish. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The food is really good. I have a thing for Mexican food and Haab has been there for me many times. I have to point out that complimenting the food does not mean Im a fan of the service. It varies from really perky, borderline too nice waitress to waitress who doesnt know what pinto beans are. So you know what normal people do, instead of tearing the place a new one on Yelp? Just get take out, you dingdong! That’s what I do. But this time I ventured in and got lucky with not just a great waitress, but also bathroom pics. Its off to the side in a narrow hallway, only one room, but decent enough for 3 flushes. Its a Mexican place. Cut the bathroom some slack.

Yes another Mexican restaurant! I don’t want to get into my love of all things Mexican because theres not enough Tumblr server capacity for that but I think its obvious I cant say no. Vamos is a dangerously inexpensive brunch spot that offers unlimited frozen margaritas for cheap with an entree. I can vouch for these margaritas. You will not leave sober. The brunch menu is good and the guacamole is solid (but its no Cascabel guac). Its really spacious, with indoor and outdoor seating, big windows, high ceilings, and a freakin sweet Frida bead curtain leading to the bathroom. There are two single stall bathrooms behind there. I’m not typically a fan of the single, but these work. Big, clean, colorful, and 5 flushes. Look at this place. It’s gorgeous! Like a rainbow threw up. I’ve been here a couple of times already and I always leave throwing up rainbows. 

Yes, another Mexican restaurant. I like Mexican food. I think we’ve discussed this. This restaurant is the very first restaurant I went to the day I moved into my apartment late last year. I loved it that night and its only gotten better since. The food is fresh and the drinks are good. Last time I went Judah Friedlander was there with a hot chick! When you come in, keep walking past the cramped seating area, towards the kitchen, and go down the stairs on the right. You end up in a sweet seating area. This is also where the sink is. The bathroom is just a tiny room with a toilet but its not bad. Yes, its a single stall, but the sitting area makes up for it. I give it 4 flushes

Those are the stairs in the mirror

peace signs back.

I’m a fan of Mexican food, in case you haven’t figured that out. This is a good place to take a date that you want to get really sweaty and stuffed with affordable Mexican food and sangria, which should be every date, if you ask me. Walking past this place on my way to the Bowery Ballroom, I had to stop and peek into the dungeon like dining room. I’m glad I did. Bathroom is straight back, past the tiny kitchen. 2 flushes is all it gets cause its unisex, single stall, almost in the kitchen, and there was a line. Recipe for disaster.

Cascabel (1542 2nd Ave btw 80th and 81st)

This place has the best guacamole Ive ever had. In my life. Not exaggerating. But I’m not a food critic. I’m a bathroom critic. To get to this bathroom you must use a door that leads to an apartment’s foyer. You’ll walk past the mail boxes and stairs and find the mens’ and ladies’ rooms. Usually I don’t like single stalls, but these work. I give it 5 flushes, my highest rating to date. Its quiet, clean, & stocked. (Notice the lucha libre theme. You can buy little luchador toys and other funny things.)

La Pequena (Brooklyn, 85 S. Portland Ave., at Lafayette)

Ok so forgive my lack of tilde, I cant add it. That or accents. La Pequena is an excellent place if youre hitting up the BAM or the Brooklyn Flea or Target. Im a sucker for Mexican, but honestly this was nice food. Next time, I’m checking out Moe’s, the bar around the corner.

I admire that the bathroom, while small, was well stocked, including matches. The restaurant as a whole is cramped, but in a cozy way. Honestly though, the toilet is about 5 centimeters from the actual customers eating their chimichangas, so please dont drop a deuce without those handy matches. 3flushes.